| Oh, America. |
00:00:26.960 - 00:00:28.552 |
| I wish I could tell you
that this was still America... |
00:00:28.762 - 00:00:31.595 |
| ...but I've come to realize that you
can't have a country without people. |
00:00:32.132 - 00:00:35.590 |
| And there are no people here. |
00:00:37.037 - 00:00:39.562 |
| No! No! |
00:00:46.479 - 00:00:49.004 |
| Go back-- Fuck! |
00:00:51.484 - 00:00:54.112 |
| No, my friends. |
00:00:56.790 - 00:00:57.779 |
| This is now
the United States of Zombieland. |
00:00:57.991 - 00:01:01.984 |
| It's amazing how quickly things
can go from bad to total shit storm. |
00:01:05.365 - 00:01:10.462 |
| And why am I alive when everyone
around me has turned to meat? |
00:01:10.670 - 00:01:14.003 |
| It's because of my list of rules. |
00:01:14.374 - 00:01:17.002 |
| Rule number one
for surviving Zombieland: Cardio. |
00:01:17.210 - 00:01:20.373 |
| Fuck! |
00:01:22.382 - 00:01:23.371 |
| When the virus struck,
for obvious reasons... |
00:01:23.583 - 00:01:26.108 |
| ...the first ones to go
were the fatties. |
00:01:26.319 - 00:01:28.651 |
| Poor fat bastard. |
00:01:33.026 - 00:01:34.550 |
| But as the infection spread
and the chaos grew... |
00:01:36.729 - 00:01:39.289 |
| ...it wasn't enough
to just be fast on your feet. |
00:01:39.499 - 00:01:41.990 |
| You had to get a gun
and learn how to use it. |
00:01:43.203 - 00:01:45.967 |
| Which leads me to my second rule:
The Double Tap. |
00:01:46.172 - 00:01:48.640 |
| In those moments when you're not sure
the undead are really "dead" dead... |
00:01:51.211 - 00:01:54.840 |
